Bathroom Etiquette

Rules and Guidance For A Pleasant Bathroom Experience

Your Attention Please

While it may not be explicitly posted, it is safe to assume that every public restroom carries the following warning sign:

WARNING: The use of electronic devices in this facility is prohibited. You are not SO BUSY that you can find no other time to twitter than on the shitter. For the safety and comfort of everyone around you refrain from making for accepting phone calls in this facility. Your wife/girlfriend/significant other does not need to hear Eddie from accounting 'explaining' to Jon Porcelain about his spicy Mexican lunch from yesterday.

Dropping Trou

If you are greater than 5 years old, it is no longer necessary to completely drop trou when urinating. The zipper has been around since 1851 so you should be covered, from an educational perspective. The last thing anyone wants is to walk in to the men's room and see you standing there bare assed taking a leak.

Nasal Hygiene

So like most normal people I know, I tend to use some type of paper cloth, whether it be facial tissue or a simple paper towel to blow my nose when there is a need.  Today I met the person that falls into a new category.  At what point in human evolution did it become acceptable to "farmer blow" into a communal sink?

 

Engineer X walks into the bathroom with a couple guys standing at the urinals and one guy washing his hands at the sink.  It is at this point that Mr.X proceeds to just “give it hell” right into the sink.  Four or five attempts later and he was able to “dislodge the obstruction” and then splash a little water into the bowl and walk off… What the hell?  I don’t pretend that I am the king of manners, but there is something seriously wrong with this…. I guess in the end it just makes me glad that other than washing my hands, I don’t do any other business in those sinks….

Oral Hygiene

While the dentist may disagree, you really don't need to be flossing or brushing your teeth in a filthy men's room that is housing some guy who is creating what sounds like bowel machine gun fire in the stall 4 feet away from you. Especially if in the process you are spitting all kinds of particles onto the mirror and sink.

If you are asking yourself, "what's wrong with wanting clean teeth?" I reply to you thusly:

  1. It grosses me out for you. Here you are, in a place full of shit smelling foulness and you are standing there mouth breathing like a drowning victim. MMMM inhale those farticles.
  2. You're setting down something that is going to go in your mouth on a sink that is covered with more life forms than Paris Hilton's ass. Do you lick the hand rails on the bus too?
  3. You are in the way of people trying to wash their hands, which is already an activity many of your comrades don't want to do anyway. All your doing is encouraging them to do a fly-by on the sink.